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8/6/2012 4:41:29 PM -
Basic Life Skills 101: Cooking

One of the things I’m known for, at least with people who know me well, is my occasional ignorance of very basic life skills. I tend not to upgrade things very often, so technical advancements and ways to make life easier often produce these eureka!-type moments that actually irritate a lot of people around me. I’m talking about really super-basic shit here.

A perfect example of this happened about a month ago, when I drove a car with satellite radio for the first time in my life. I was travelling for work, and this was a rental, and I couldn’t believe how easy this service made things. I’d known what satellite radio was, and I understood its premise, but I’d never experienced it for myself because I’d never really cared to try it. Once I did, of course, I made a total anus out of myself by ranting and raving about it via text to a dozen friends of mine who’ve already had it in their cars for the past decade or so.

That’s kind of what I’m about to do here with cooking. I’m not a cook. I know how to cook, but I don’t do it very often – and I think a lot of guys operate the exact same way, especially if they’re working a lot of hours like I always have. I’m a total f-ing moron when it comes to grocery shopping, having food around the house, and cooking it for myself. I know the deal with food, and I know what to buy and how to work my way around the fringes of the supermarket to find the healthy shit, but that doesn’t mean I ever actually do it. I’ve always been more likely to call in a takeout order and go pick something up than I am to go shopping for it and actually cook it.

That’s why I’ve always been such a big fan of Carb Back-Loading. You’re telling me I can stop at the Wendy’s drive-thru on my way home from the gym? F—k yeah. I’ll do that every night of the week if left unchecked.

I’ve recently made some big changes, both with work and with my living arrangement, and I now have more time to spend thinking about food. This doesn’t mean I’m working any less – I’m probably working more, to be honest – but I no longer have a brutal commute to work that sucks three-plus hours out of my day. I’ve also started paying way more attention recently to nutrition, at least in terms of not settling for the quickest and easiest alternative when it comes to preparing and eating a “healthy” meal – or a meal that serves my purposes for wherever I’m at with training that day.

Take eggs, for example. One of the reason eggs have never really been a staple of my diet is that I’ve never really figured out a system for cooking them. I know how to cook them in various ways, but it always seemed to be a major undertaking. I know this is going to sound idiotic to a lot of people, but I’ll bet a lot of you think the exact same way. Logically, I know making eggs isn’t a real chore, per se, but historically, when I want eggs, I’ll just go to the diner, sit down, and have someone do it for me. F—k going to the store and getting all that shit myself, you know?

What I’ve found out, since I’ve been putting some time in, is that cooking really is easy. Like I said, I know I’m going to sound like an anus here because I’m saying shit that functional human beings already know, but taking out two pans and making bacon and eggs literally takes less than 15 minutes from the time you take all the shit out, to the time you’re done washing the last dish – including the process of actually eating what you’ve prepared.

The same applies to most food items – chicken, fish, steak, etc. They’re easy to prepare, and you can do everything exactly the way you want it. I now find it much more enjoyable, especially since I’m in somewhat unfamiliar surroundings with time on my hands, to walk around the grocery store packing up a shopping cart with fresh stuff, and then going home and loading it in my refrigerator. It makes me feel like a human being – instead of a guy in his mid-to-late thirties who’s still rolling with the refrigerator full of beer, mayonnaise and ketchup.

The whole thing also saves a shitload of money, and I like the healthy vibe I’m getting. It makes me feel like I’m living the lifestyle we all preach for more than just the 90 minutes a day I spend training.

Angry Coach

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