Chemo Diary, November 11th
Currently undergoing Chemotherapy to treat Systemic Ulcerative Colitis as a last measure.
Most every night before going to bed I sit down with my phone and just talk. It is easy. Nobody to judge me. Nobody to tell me that I am complaining too much or that I just need to dust it of and come back tomorrow. I have a stack of these videos that I save with the intention of posting them for people to see and I haven't yet...for nearly a month. They all just sound too depressing to actually share.
This is me, November 11th, just before bed.
The truth is that I am probably depressed. Maybe through exhaustion and just general being sad that my strength and energy is getting worse by the day, but I am probably depressed.
I am in pain everywhere, in odd ways. In my femurs, arms, pelvis and I can't take anything for pain because everything is seemingly too hard on my liver right now so I just have to deal with the pain. And when I complain about pain, I promise you that it is real and it hurts bad.
I am not scared of pain as I can accept pain. I can accept extreme pain and never flinch. What gets me is fear and "not knowing", and that is where I am at right now.
This is as positive as I can be at this very moment.
Chemo Update Nov 11 2014 from Clint Darden on Vimeo.
I just need a few days.,