|12/16/2014 4:59:45 PM -
Tuesday: Tough Questions For Dad
Every day is the same...except I forgot to pay the phone bill yesterday which meant we didn't have phone service this morning. Wouldn't really be a big deal as I never call anyone but once you take away my internet service on my phone I'M LOST!
So we left school and headed to the telephone station! I think it is cheaper to buy a new car than to pay our phone bills every month...no joke. Might not be far off!
Late in the evening I was getting my son tucked into bed and he starts crying. "Pappa, are you dying?". I have no idea what to say to that but as a parent you learn really REALLY quick that you better find an answer. Children expect you to have all of the answers and to have them FAST!
I know that people talk about my current situation. I know that relatives talk and they think that because they whisper that he can't understand...but he does. My son has really grown up fast this year. He has sat with me in the hospital, he has helped me to take my medication, he has helped to take an IV out of my arm and now he sees me struggle every day with pain and exhaustion. Two weeks ago he asked me "Pappa, why are you so tired all of the time? You used to have so much more energy.".
I don't have the RIGHT answers for that. Or maybe I do. The toughest part isn't telling my son but me accepting thins myself. If I refuse to accept the facts then they can't be true. Being a father is not easy.